By kiki
Early this morning, as I was lying in bed, I started to get hunger pains, so I yelled at my domestic helper to fix me up some grub, but then I remembered when I didn't hear any yelling back that the helper had gone to her second job.
So what to do? I didn't feel like going to any of the local greasy spoons, so I trekked to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and saw some leftover chili con carne (pork) from last night; I also spotted some eggs. I then thought to myself, 'Do I dare?' As you know, I can't cook to save my life or even boil water; I burn it! At that point, one of my imaginary friends, Beto, whispered in my good ear, "Do it, dude; I'll walk you through the process, just don't get the kitchen dirty if you don't wanna get shot!' Beto then told me to put the carne and chili in the microwave; I told Beto, 'I don't like my food warmed in the microwave. He then jumped on my ass 'damn, for one that doesn't know how to cook, you sure are picky' He then told me to put the chili con carne in a pot with a lid and to turn a burner on the stove on low heat so that it wouldn't burn, I did. Then he said, 'Okay, pendejo (why did he have to call me pendejo? It's not my fault that I am spoiled rotten and don't know how to cook).
Now find a frying pan and put some cooking oil in it; I did (but I was surprised that Beto, being an old-school Mexican, didn't tell me to use Manteca, that's lard for you gabacho) after the oil was nice and hot Beto told me to crack a couple of eggs (I broke three) nice and easy and put them in the hot oil, I did as he told me so and after a few seconds he told me to get a spatula and turn them over, I did. Then, after a few more seconds, he told me, 'Okay, now you got over easy eggs, put them on a plate and put the hot chili con carne over them. And with some coffee and tortillas, that's what Beto and I had for breakfast this morning - Now, you ask, why am I telling you all this? Well, because I am damn proud of myself!!
