Saturday, November 27, 2021

R.I.P. Henry Baltazar

 By kiki

These are sad times for me, as one of my favorite cousins, Henry Baltazar, has taken his last cruise around the barrio. But I know that he refuses to fall into that dreamless sleep; thus, he is having a great time at a beer party at The Blue Sky Lounge. I can just hear him saying, "I'm saving you a cold one, Cuz."

So I will write about some of the fun times Henry and I had; some of it will be in excerpts of stories I wrote before his passing. The fun, to be sure, was at Henry's expanse: let me explain: Henry was a very short man in stature, thus, the ribbing by friends and foes alike. But, on the other hand, Henry had the heart of a giant; he would give you the shirt of his back on a freezing day.

I became very close to Henry when we moved to La Puente in 1968; he was a La Puente native. We loved each other like brothers, and I guess that's why he put up with my bullshit. And he did so with a smile and always his favorite words, "ya, right."

Back when the child car seat law had just become the law of the land, we were visiting his parents, Tio Magdaleno and Tia Senovia, in Portville, Ca. (they had moved when my Tio retired). So Henry asked me if I would give him a ride to the next hick town; I said yes. As we walked out of the house, I picked up a child car seat from a couch; Henry asked me, "Cuz, what do you need that for?"  I gave him a smile and said, "I need to strap you down; you know that's a new law." He shook his head and said, "ya, right."

An excerpt: "Playboy Lounge:" Circa 1983, I walked into a local watering hole, the Playboy Lounge. As I walked in, I spotted my cousin Henry and his friend Rudy sitting at the bar; their little feet were dangling high above the floor as they sucked on their beers, now Henry and Rudy are two really short guys, more like glorified midgets, both are about 4'11 if they wear lifts. Henry might be about half-inch taller than Rudy; I used to kid Henry all the time about liking to hang with Rudy because Rudy was the only one shorter than him. 

One time Henry and I were hanging out by the curb in front of my house, and out of the blue, I said to him: "Cuz, you're a lucky man" he gave me a funny look and asked, "how, Cuz?" So I put my arm around his shoulders and gave him a smile, and I said, "well, if you wanna commit suicide, all you have to do is jump off the curb. "ya, right."

When I was in the boxing business, I told Henry that I was branching out to wrestling and could use him, " how, working the corner, Cuz?" I didn't think so. "No, Cuz, it's more like putting you in the ring; I can make you a star in a midget tag-team. "ya, right."

An excerpt: "Looking For A Good Barber:" I talked to my cousin Henry and told him how I needed an excellent barber. Henry told me to go see Jimmy at 'Jimmy's Scissor-cut' on Valley Blvd and Puente Ave and to be sure to tell Jimmy that "Big Henry" sent me. I think Henry was looking to get ten percent of whatever business he sent Jimmy's way or at least a free haircut. Jimmy and his son, One Eye Dino, turned out to be two great barbers.

In the mid-1980s, Henry went camping with my family and me to the Eastern Sierra. After two or three days, the cooler ran out of beer, so we went to a small general store in a small town. I walked in first with Henry behind me. I walked up to the counter to buy some Pall Mall Reds, and Henry went to the beer fridge; the clerk looked over my shoulder and yelled at Henry, "Hey, kid, you can't buy beer; you're not old enough." HWith'stache and beard, Henry turned around and yelled back, "say, what?." The clerk with a red face said, "I thought he was your kid." Back in the motorhome, I told Herny what the clerk had said. "ya, right."

Much more Henry short (no pun intended) stories can be told, but enough with picking on my cousin with the colossal heart; besides, if I keep picking on him, he will drink the beer he is saving for me. Henry later on in life became a river rat;, living around the Bullhead City area. He used to jokingly claim he was on the lam. R.I.P. Cuz. Love you.

Playboy Lounge

 By kiki

Circa 1983, I walked into a local watering hole, the Playboy Lounge. As I walked in, I spotted my cousin Henry and his friend Rudy sitting at the bar; their little feet were dangling high above the floor as they sucked on their beers, now Henry and Rudy are two really short guys, more like glorified midgets, both are about 4'11 if they wear lifts. Henry might be about half-inch taller than Rudy; I used to kid Henry all the time about liking to hang with Rudy because Rudy was the only one shorter than him. 

I ordered some beers for the three of us, and as we were bullshitting and drinking our beers, I noticed some ladies sitting on a table in the back of the lounge. 

Soon one of the ladies, a massive one, walked up to us; she greeted Henry and Rudy, who she knew; after saying hello, she asked Henry, "and who is this?" meaning me, after Henry introduced us; she asked me "wanna dance?" now I stand 5'8 and at that time weight about 145 lbs., she stood at least 6 feet if not an inch or two more and carried at least 250 plus pounds on her big bones, I gracefully decline, at that Rudy jumped off his stool and bouncing a couple of times off the floor said, "I'll dance." 

As we watched them dance. I started laughing; Henry asked me, "Cuz, what are you laughing at?" "Look at Rudy dancing with that big broad; he looks like a flea on a dog," I said, and that got Henry laughing too. After finishing their dance, Rudy and the big girl walked back to the bar where Henry and I were sitting; Big Girl then asked Henry, "what were you guys laughing at?"  "We were just laughing at a joke," Henry replied, at that big girl said to Henry, "you know what I'm going to do to your cousin here? First, I am going to beat the shit out of him. I'm going to f*%k him to death," I told her "for sure you can beat the shit out of me, you're big enough to do so, but you're not going to f*%k me, Biggie gave me a hard look as she turned around and walked back to her girlfriends, Henry, Rudy, and I went back to our beers. - Kudos to Rudy for not backing away from life.     

Excuse the salty language, but that's the way it went down.

Sunday, November 21, 2021

Life is beautiful, but it can be cruel at times

 By kiki

Life is beautiful, but it can be cruel at times: case in point, I was once young, robust, and vibrant. I could party and play with the best of them, used to drink good liquor, smoke great cigars, and could go to work on two hours of sleep. Had nice threads to go nite clubbing, drove new cars going out to dinner. Then one morning, I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw a stranger looking back at me, "who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my bathroom?" So, of course, I asked the stranger, who I was beginning to think was Sancho. But before he could answer, it dawned on me that I was looking at the old-new me. 

The old-new me is a senior old man having a tough time just getting around the house. Getting more withered and sere by the day, my doctor told me I was losing my mind, and I told him he was full of shit. The good liquor, great cigars, nite clubbing in nice threads, and going out to dinner in a new car are all a thing of the past.

I don't party; I can't party! The way I used to. I don't drink or smoke, don't go nite clubbing, or go out to dinner much. Don't have nice threads or a new car. But I have great memories to draw on when I start feeling old and broken down.